Choosing Love

I have the privilege to witness amazing transformations in people I work with every day and sometimes, as it happened today, I am reminded of how simple, yet magical, the catalysts for these transformations can be. Today I had coffee with one of my coaching clients, who came along with her three and a half year old daughter. I was in awe at the amazing connection between the two of them as I saw my client’s whole expression transform when she spoke to or merely looked at the little one. As my client is going through a big change in her life, her daughter unwittingly provides perhaps the most valuable support her mother could ever wish for. What does she do exactly? She herself summed it up beautifully when, at one point, her mother asked: “What are you feeling?” “I feel my heart filled with love” the little one replied “For whom?” the mother asked “For you, mommy”.  “I love you too, honey. I love you so much” the mother concluded, tears in her eyes. I had tears in my eyes too and I too felt my heart filled with love. This is a mother who wholeheartedly gives love to her child, and joyously receives love back. But what happens when this exchange is not that healthy? What happens when love isn’t shared or returned? What happens when people – parents, lovers, friends – make terrible mistakes against those whom they love? Or when they simply don’t know how to show love, because nobody has ever taught them? Later in the day I had a talk with someone very close to me about the sadness and pain of losing love, being denied love, being rejected, hurt, humiliated by someone you love. We talked about what options the “victim” has in these situations. What options does a rejected child have when her parents are unable to give her the emotional nourishment she needs? What options does another have when he is abused? What kind of...

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The Blessing and Curse of Having a Choice

Jun 03, 13 The Blessing and Curse of Having a Choice

Posted by in Featured, Mindfulness

This is good, that is bad, he is right, she is wrong, we know better, they make mistakes. Where is the truth? We are all so immersed in our own view of the world that we forget one simple thing: We have a choice! A choice of what to believe, of which side to take, of how to define what is true for us. We are so busy judging others, playing the victim, complaining about things we think we cannot control, that we forget about the one thing which always is within our grasp: Choosing our attitudes towards life, choosing who we want to be and what we want to stand for.  I’m sometimes wondering if we forget we have a choice or we choose to forget. Lately I started thinking it’s the latter, rather than the former. Choice is a blessing, but it can be a curse as well. Choice comes with responsibility and often we don’t like what that implies. Isn’t it somehow easier to complain about your job and your boss and to use that as an excuse for always being tired and angry at everybody, rather than just quitting and embracing the risk of not knowing what to do next and financial uncertainty that comes with that? Isn’t it more comfortable to complain about others’ annoying you instead of accepting that you always have a choice of letting yourself be or not be annoyed? Isn’t it easier to find excuses for not living your dreams and let words like “must”, “have to”, “obligation” or “too late” rule your life instead of accepting that you are free to take a different path if you’re ready to leave that comfort zone and embrace the fear of the unknown? Isn’t it easier to feel victimised and use that as a justification for your own aggression, instead of choosing to become the owner of your life and to get out of toxic relationships, step away from hurtful people or stand up for yourself with calm...

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I believe…

Oct 12, 12 I believe…

Posted by in Featured, Thoughts/Ideas

Yesterday, at the end of one of my workshops, I asked participants what is the thought, insight or idea they are taking with them from the day’s experience. I have heard some emotional things over time when asking this question, but this time one person in the room really blew me away and brought tears to my eyes. She said: “Today I was reminded about the incredible power of Good”. This was one of the most powerful reminders of why I do the things I do every day – to bring out the power of Good in people. It reminded me of some other fundamental things I believe in and which lay the foundation for the way I choose to live my life. Perhaps they might inspire you in living yours. I believe in the power of Good. I believe there is light in every single one of us, even though we let ourselves lose it among layers and layers of fears, anger, disappointment, self-constraings and limiting beliefs. Sometimes people need to be reminded about this hidden inner light. I believe in the power of smiling, in the amazing force of kindness, in the magic of compassion and presence. I believe in rainbows and playfulness. Perhaps if we lived as if life were a playground and we were children playing, we’d be just a little bit happier and brighter. I believe none of us are too grown up, nor are any of our jobs too important to ever justify taking ourselves too seriously. I believe in freedom. Freedom to be ourselves. Freedom to make our own choices, even though they might not please everyone around us. I believe we are all masters of our own destinies and we should have the wisdom to let others be the masters of theirs. I believe in honesty. Towards ourselves and others. Even when it’s hard. Even when it doesn’t make us look good. I believe in authenticity. We are all unique. We all have our dark side,...

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