Authenticity, Trust and Following Your Heart

Last week I stood in front of around 150 students and spoke about authenticity. Today I stood in front of about the same number of managers in a large company, speaking about trust. Both times I felt completely connected with the subject and with my audience and had this very deep feeling that what I was saying to them was truly meaningful for me too.

Now, thinking of the learnings from these two events I just realised how much my life has changed over the past two years because of these two simple words: authenticity and trust.

Just over two years ago I was a corporate employee with many reasons for gratitude. The money was good, the job was nice - I was doing what I like best - creating and delivering workshops - and I was surrounded by a team of like-minded people, some of which I was and still am happy to call friends.

Still I was miserable. I was dreading every single morning when that horrendous alarm clock would ring and make me reluctantly get out of bed for the dawn of a new day "at the office".

If asked, I could describe what I was so unhappy about: I disliked the rules and fixed schedules, the somber offices, the deadlines and procedures, the power-point templates that forbade me to put funny pictures in my slides. I hated the very idea of a dress code and, more than once, I received a warning from HR for shamelessly breaking it and wearing blue jeans at work. I definitely dreaded having to be there on time in the morning and leaving at a fixed time in the evening. I was saddened by the serious people all around me, seldom smiling, never seeming to have fun doing their jobs. I had a hard time sitting in meetings, doing "official" presentations and I could never really find my words when I had to speak "corporate".

But well beneath all these complaints that I had, there was this nagging feeling that I was not being myself, this incongruence between what I was truly thinking, feeling and saying out loud. It was not the company that was making me unhappy. It was this lack of authenticity that was killing me bit by bit every single day. There was also this lack of trust in my own dream, in my own destiny and finally in myself that was quickly wearing me down.

Would I be capable to make it on my own? Would I be capable to embrace what I truly believe in and shout it out loud, for everybody to hear? Would I be brave enough to do what I love and have faith that I would make a living out of it? 

These questions became more urgent, more threatening, when I received a proposal from a very good friend of mine and fellow trainer to start a freelance partnership. Just the two of us, one client and a contract that would keep us afloat for three months, not more not less. Oh, and a dream: To change this world for the better by opening up doors towards self-understading for ourselves and the people around us. 

The moment when I had to choose between being who I really am and being who others expected me to be was definitely the scariest one of my life! The choice of authenticity came at a steep price - NO financial safety. I had just built a house, had a 30 year mortgage and I was, at the time, supporting most household expenses. Not the best situation to be in, I would say.

But this is actually the situation most of us are in when life offers us the chance to be truly authentic!

And this is where trust comes in. Trust in yourself, first of all, and then trust in the people who share that  journey with you. I asked myself the fundamental question: If I don't do this now, will I be sorry for the rest of my life and spend all my days wondering "what if"?

The answer was a categorical "YES"!

So I jumped. Or at least that's how it felt. It felt as if jumping off a very high building with a crazy belief that I would grow wings by the time I reached the ground. And amazingly, miraculously, I did!

I look at myself now, two years later, and I am humbled by all the lessons I have learnt. Here are some of them.

• I learnt to be who I am, to be truly authentic, at the risk that some people won't like me. This meant giving up relationships where I no longer belonged and opening myself up to new ones. It also meant I had to learn to say NO and take responsibility for the consequences, while saying YES to things that would have scared the hell out of me before.

• I learnt to trust my instincts and deepest values, even when they go against accepted wisdom. I had to learn to respect others' opinions without always agreeing with them and to be prepared to hold my ground.

• I learnt to trust others and life has rewarded me with exceptional people who selflessly helped me under the most difficult circumstances.

• I learnt to be grateful every day - for the people, for the experiences, for life itself.

• I learnt to embrace freedom instead of being scared by it.

• I learnt to allow myself to be wrong, to make mistakes, to take responsibility from them and not judge myself for being imperfect. I also learnt to make every mistake once and to notice, when it repeats, that perhaps I haven't paid attention and haven't really gotten the wisdom out of it the first time around.

• Finally I learnt to trust my mission in life and have come to the belief that ALL of us can find that mission, that meaning, that fundamental WHY which makes our hearts beat faster, fills us with energy and with the power to move mountains.

I leave you with my lessons after two years of living authentically, getting it wrong, getting it right, falling down and getting back up, all throughout following the unmistakeable call of my own heart.

I don't believe it matters whether your authentic self fits in a corporation or if your dream is to be an entrepreneur. I believe any of us can make a difference wherever we are in the world, as long as we are true to ourselves.

So are you being true to yourself right now, wherever you are? Do you trust your deepest wisdom to guide you wherever you need to go? And, finally, do you have the courage to follow your heart? 

And, when in doubt, there is always the fundamental question: If I don’t do this now, will I be sorry for the rest of my life and spend all my days wondering “what if”?